Before that I have some VERY IMPORTANT stuff to tell.
In my post D-Code part 1 I told you guys that 60 students will be chosen to the D-Code bootcamp. Which to be honest, in the first place, I thought that our team will actually make it to the camp. Unfortunately, on the 7th of November, when they announced the finalists, we were not chosen. My heart sank and drowned in the pits of my stomach. I have been waiting for this day for months and this is what I get?! HELL YES, I AM SAD AS HELL. I just finished my piano exam on that day and it was such a relief getting that big bloody burden off my poor shoulders and this shit just ripped my shoulders out, literally. I just went through a roller coaster of emotions. At one point I was the happiest person in the world, then this thing came in my way. Of course I am not blaming them for not choosing us. Of course they will choose the best to attend the camp. C'mon lah. This is not some belacan camp, okay.
I have been thinking that some miracle will happen for the past week. Like them suddenly calling us to the bootcamp. But unfortunately, no. I have been so moody these few days. I have been imagining the scene of the bootcamp for days. How it would be, who would be there, etc.
When i told sir Nizam about this, he was telling me that he thought we would be able to make it. That was the part. I stood there and I thought "He actually had such high hopes on us and we just broke it". Seriously, I thought we would make it too. And when he asked me, "what do you think we should do then?" I said, "Sir, there's nothing we can do. Redha je lah.." hahah! :D
Recently, they just posted the pictures of the bootcamp on facebook. And yes, the jealousy just added up even more! :( I was already so damn jealous of them getting to go. And the pictures! OHMYGOD D: So, being my typical self, I was groaning and doing all sorts of stupid noises. And my sister was saying "There's no use crying over spilt milk". And I was going all bizzare over it. But after that I was thinking. C'mon. Of course I will cry over spilt milk. WHAT IS THERE TO NOT CRY. What if the milk was my only food? What if the milk was my only source of income? What if the milk was needed to feed some poor children? What if my mother was gonna scold me for spilling the milk? HELL TO THE YES I WOULD CRY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. I know it is no use, but I still need to cry. To let my feelings out. To let everything be okay. To express the sadness that has been trapped. To express how desperate I am and how much I miss the camp and the amazing people.
I know. Maybe it's just luck? But I think mostly, our web page too. I keep telling myself. It's okay that we are not chosen. It's okay, maybe the competition was just too intense and we didn't make it. It's okay, there are people who are definitely better than us. It's okay, they deserve the best. It's okay, I'm so damn chill with this. It's okay, I'm not jealous.
But the truth is, hell no, I'm not happy with all of this. I'm not so damn chill with this shit. And hell yes, I'm jealous as fuck. But again, I think, maybe God has something better in store for me. Maybe like PASSING MY PIANO EXAM?! That would be great! :D
I like looking on to the positive sides of things. But this, no, it's really hard for me to see the positiveness in this. I can only come up with the point that maybe God has something better for me. Other than that, no.
Anyways, what's over is already over. There's really nothing much I can do. As I said earlier, redha je lah.
Okay then, I think that's it. Goodbye. Until then! Hasta luego, amigos! :) Te amo!
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| A screenshot I took with my phone and I think it suits this post really well :) |
